A Reason. A Season. A Lifetime.

"A place where nothing happens, nobody knows who I am, and nobody I can imagine worth dating. It was perfect!" - Sean Dunaj

I was working as a staff member for a summer camp in Colorado Springs, CO in 2002. On one of our breaks from the campers, I went for a walk through downtown Colorado Springs with my friend Jacqui. We were discussing the new people we had met over the weeks that summer. She said to me, "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You're one of those people I want to keep for life." Jacqui was wise beyond her years.

If you stop to think about the people you've met, the friends you've made, and the relationships you've had... you can place these people into one of those three categories Jacqui so eloquently described.

Sometimes I stop and think about the people who have come into my life and have left quietly into the darkness. Fading to black. "Whatever happened to so-and-so?" becomes quite the question for discussion with close friends.

I met my friend Sean my freshman year at The University of Iowa. 1997. We were in a Leadership Conference for all board members of dormitory floors. As the president of the 4th floor of Mayflower Hall, I sat quietly to myself in the conference room. Sean sat behind me.

Through hungover mornings after Iowa football games. Through spontaneous road trips across international borders. Through quiet nights under the stars roasting marshmallows in the woods. Through plane trips to Colorado working with kids for the summer. Through the thick and thin we lived our lives. All because I sat quietly to myself in a conference room. And Sean sat behind me.

14 years later I'd hear ... "Whatever happened to Sean?" We would sit and reminisce over the antics he'd pull. The people he'd piss off. The trouble he'd get into. We would say how much he frustrated the crap out of us, but still love him just the same.

Sometimes people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Sometimes people come into your life for all three.

Sean is one of those people.

Below you'll find an essay he wrote on the social cognitive theory for a psychology class. It explains where he's been. What he's been through. And what he strives to become.

____________________________________________________

September 10, 2011

Personal Example of the Social Cognitive Theory

by Sean Dunaj

According to our textbook, Albert Bandura was responsible for producing what is called the Social Cognitive Theory, which is thought to have derived from what is called the Social Learning Theory which involves social learned behavior. Bandura's theory emphasizes the reciprocal influences of behavior, environment, and person/cognitive factors with an emphasis on cognitive factors. In short, it is the notion that to change one's behavior or to get a desired behavior, one could change a person's cognition or one's environment to reach the behavior that is desired. A more frequently used tactic to change behavior under Bandura's theory is to change one's environment.

Albert Bandura's theory, as it pertains to me, takes me back to when I had made the decision to go back to school to earn a second degree and possibly third degree. I was very intimidated over the thought of going back to school for several reasons. There was major opportunity cost associated with the endeavor in addition to the extreme lifestyle cut backs I would have to make if I were to become a student again. I was anxious over learning material which was completely foreign to me, at a point, I had even wondered if I had even the mental capacity to take up such a challenge. I decided to roll the dice.

After making the decision to get another degree I had spent a large amount of time considering many variables that would be involved in me becoming a successful student. I considered myself as a person, I thought about my environment, and I thought about the behavior I would need to exhibit to become an “A” student and nothing less. Once I made the total commitment to doing whatever was needed and in my means to make education work, I changed my personal perspective and shifted my whole paradigm. An old roommate used to tell me to “see who has what you want and to do what they do,” and a good friend once told me, “change your mind, and change your reality.” I knew to get “A student” behavior I needed to personally change the way I responded to situations and create a learning conducive environment.

First, I considered all the people I knew that where successful students and professionals that embodied what I wanted to be. I mapped out not only their study habits and routines, but also I broke down their demeanor and their personality types. I considered how they made decisions and to what affect that had on their educational success.

Next, I considered who I was, my habits and routines, and how my decisions and tendencies impacted my educational goals. Personally, I was exceptionally extroverted and very social. I lived between Chicago and LA and lived a fast paced life. I went out all the time and was always surrounded by friends. I even went as far as analyzing the toll dating had on my life (time, money, etc.). The only time I sat was to eat, and the only time I read leisurely was when I was stuck on a plane and left with nothing but airline magazines.

Randomly, my work brought me to Fort Wayne, IN. and needing a place to stay in a hurry, I rented a place in Huntington, IN. When my work was over, I never left, and I signed up for my first semester of classes. The cost of living was perfect on a short budget and by the time I was ready for class, I achieved state residency. I knew that I would need to remove all distractions and temptations of distractions to be the best student I could be. What better of a place then the smallest town I've ever known, Huntington, IN. A place where nothing happens, nobody knows who I am, and nobody I can imagine worth dating. It was perfect! Now the most exciting thing for me to do on a Friday night is study. Once removed from my natural environment and inserted into my new, I dedicated myself to change to the ways of smartest people I knew. I practiced studying for 8 hours straight, and I extend my budget by not drinking and taking girls out on dates, which gives me more time to study. I also took less risks, I used to tell others, “no, I'm sorry, but I'm on this low risk diet…” I also slowed my lifestyle a ton, I talked less and thought more, I read more often, I watched less television, I even changed the type of music I listen to. I later found out listening to music at 60 beats per minute or less that contains little to no lyrics while you study increases memory. How I knew to do this before I found out its value, I don't know, but it was working.

Personally, I feel Bandura was on to something and it is likely why his theory is still used today. Since I have made these personality and environment adjustments, I've made the Dean's list for 3 consecutive terms; I carry a 3.9 accumulative since my return to education, and a 4.0 in the sciences. I'm not sure how to use the concept of self-efficacy in a sentence but I feel it should be a part of this paragraph. This is the best example in my life and most recent I can think of in that I was able to change my behavior by changing my environment.